My dad had many passions, which included fixing cars, but he was also an amazing handyman. He always had the ability to think outside the box when working within the box didn't work or was not possible. Whenever anything went wrong, I would always say, "Lets ask dad." My new normal now means trying to figure things out on our own.
My dad, like any other parent, loved his children unconditionally. He always had an opinion of what he wanted us to do or how we should do it, but regardless of how badly we screwed up he would always forgive and help us fix the mistakes. My dad's love for me exuded out of him. Everyone that knew him knew this. I just hope my dad knew how much I loved and appreciated him.
For the last month I have been grieving. That's it. I have thrown myself into planning both Oliver and Ethan's birthdays (which are both over a month and 2 months away, respectively). Keeping myself busy has helped with my grieving, but it hasn't helped with how much I miss my dad.
We had our first big holiday without my dad. Easter was one of my dad's favourite holiday ever since he became a grandfather. He absolutely loved watching the boys hunt for eggs and the excitement they have in their eyes when they opened their eggs to reveal the surprise inside. This year we decided to go ahead with an Easter egg hunt. It was raining the morning of our hunt, but miraculously the sun came out in the afternoon as if my dad was saying he wanted to be part of it.
Ethan misses his gong gong terribly. He still gives my dad daily kisses when he sees my dad's picture on my mom's mantle. Whenever Ethan sees flowers, he has this need to pick them so he can give it to my dad. Oliver is very in tune with my feelings, so he often tells me its okay if I want to go to the cemetery to visit gong gong.
This past month, I realized that it's okay to grieve the way I grieve. There isn't a deadline of when the grieving ends. It's okay if things don't get easier because losing a parent is like losing a part of yourself. I may no longer be the same person after losing my dad, but life goes on . . . I love a little more now because I don't want to have any regrets later about not loving enough.
